It seems that I’ve positioned myself in my world, and in the world of those around me, as some sort of super hero. I’ve done this since I was a young girl. I help solve other people’s problems. I am everyone’s shoulder to cry on. I love unconditionally. I give unconditionally. I care. I’m always happy. Always smiling. Always positive. I’m never truly ill. Never truly hurt. Always well dressed. Well groomed. Well spoken. I’m the girl who’s always pleasant, charming, charismatic. People view me as smart, talented, unique. Men are attracted to me. Women are a bit envious. Without drugs or alcohol, I still seem to be the life of the party. I make others laugh, I love surprising those I love with gifts and grand gestures. I always try to make other people feel good about themselves and proud of what they do.
But I can’t help but ask myself: What about me? I don’t do anything in life expecting something in return, but this rhetorical question has been surfacing more and more in recent months. Who’s shoulder can I cry on? Who loves me unconditionally? Who has surprise grand gestures with me? Is there anyone around me who is constantly trying to make me feel good about myself? Who tells me how proud they are of me? Who always has a smile on their face when they see me? Who would drop everything if I needed them? The answer is quite simple (and sad): No one.
I can’t always be the super hero. It’s too much work. I’m really just a girl. And in any case, even heroes have the right to bleed…
As a long time reader of your blog and a self proclaimed admirer of all things Lali, there’s something I want to say-
It’s a wonderful trait you have of being so selfless, completey admirable. But, you are only human. And it’s obvious to me, by reading this, that what you are needing is to feel loved and apprecaited. So I have to ask you Lali-why are you surrounding yourself with people who don’t love and appreciate you?
I’m sad to read this. I’ve been waiting patiently for you to add a new entry, and you finally do, and it’s unhappy. Aujourd’hui Lali est triste et cela me rend triste.
I understand what you’re saying and what you’re feeling.
Thank you guys for stopping by. I’m sorry I’ve been so incredibly inconsistent with my posts…I hope you can forgive me, I’ll try to be better…
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Anyway, what I really wanted to say was thank you for your words and understanding. It’s a nice feeling!
Hope you guys have a great week!
This is bizarre, but i first landed on your blog by accident(a few months back), when i was feeling exactly like you are in this post. Lets say that day reading some of your entries gave me some odd sense of solace. I don’t know what i can say or write , but all i’ll say is all our circumstances are ephemeral; who knows you might get a supre hero too
. After all i found your blog by random karma.
Sarah: After reading your comment I’m smiling. I really love to read that someone out there GETS ME and can identify with what I’m saying. Random Karma. I love it. Well I’m happy you find some comfort in knowing there’s someone feeling the way you do…Like you said, it also gives mr an odd sense of solace.
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BTW, just came back from my first trip ever to Canada (Nova Scotia) and I have to say I’m SMITTEN by your country!
Lali, what kind a starsign do you have?! Piscies perhaps??
I got this feeling that this “no one” type is right in your facinity…….you just have to see it I guess?!
Jense: Not a Pisces, I’m a Scorpio! Beware!