Cynicism August 5, 2006

Cynical:  1. Skeptical of the motives of others.
               2. Negative or pessimistic
               3. Expressing jaded or scornful skepticism or negativity.

Cynic:     (Modern definition) A person who belives all people are motivated by selfishness.

In ancient Greek times, a Cynic was a member of a sect of Philosophers who believed virtue to be the only good and self-control to be the only means of achieving said virtue. The meaning of the word and its association with a somewhat negative concept came from a belief that in their pursuit of virute, cynics pointed out the flaws in others. This idea of ‘fault finding’ could easily lead to the belief held by cynics of today that selfishness determines human behavior. (In other words, that everyone is out for themselves.)

I have become somewhat of a cynic. (My own personalized version.) I am skeptical of the motives of others, I can be pessimistic, I am jaded. But this cynicism is not in my DNA. It is a feeling that has sprouted inside me due to the circumstances life has thrown my way. It is a feeling I dislike, a feeling I am trying to eliminate from my life. I want to believe that life is not out to get me. I want to believe that there ARE people out there who really do care. I want to be able to take people at their word and not be disappointed.

It’s a process:
Melting this frozen heart.
Breaking down this armor I’ve put up around myself.
Tearing down these walls.
It is a process I have decided to embark on and I can see the pale glimmer of a lighthouse in the distance.

I will not be cynical. (But I will not be naive.) I will be open but alert. And perhaps I will find a way to unjade this troubled heart and believe in magic once more.